youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This baby is an asshole
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize