Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
