Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes

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(770): View more from Georgia

If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.

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(941): View more from Florida

Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs

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(810): View more from Michigan

you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.

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(720): View more from Colorado

You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old

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