Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
