you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
