i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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