we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
