The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
