oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
