Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
someone owes me an orgasm
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
