ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
