I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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