I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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