walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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