I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
