Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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