Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize