may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
