dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize