Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
