I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
