I miss vodka workout Fridays
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
