why didn't you poke me back
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
