I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
