we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
