We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
