What did we do last night that was yellow?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We have started to decorate penises.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
