dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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