who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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