If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I want a musical about memes.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
