I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
These tits shall not be calmed
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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