just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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