jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
