She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
