He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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