you turned your livingroom into a bong?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
