I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
