If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
