His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
