Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
