giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
