My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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