He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
A bitchslap is in order.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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