I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
