Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
