that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Randomize
