I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
