I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
