Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
this hospital has no fireball
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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