Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
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