Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We need to rekindle our bromance
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
