Where is the hickey?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
