All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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