i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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