im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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