There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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