My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I want to make a zoo with you.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
