dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
