Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
