listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
