I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish you could order shots online.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
