how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
