Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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