thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
