My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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