Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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