You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize