Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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