So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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