I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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