he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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