i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
