when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
