Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
